FINALLY! Finally, I've had the time to work on this. Only one part left after this. (Also good news, Frog. You finally get a cameo in this)
Shot of the woods, from which Sonny's group comes out.
Rachael: *Monotone* So...it seems that this house appears to be the last location in our quest through this journey called life.
A house is shown. The others are slightly creeped out by Rachael's comment.
Edward: How do we get in?
Boss: Fear not! I will handle this at once! There's a rotten tomato in this building!
Cut to a door. A door bell is heard, and it opens, showing the person who lives there. Then it cuts to Sonny's group, where The Boss has his sword unsheathed. A Spanish guitar is heard.
Boss: Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my hamster!
Angel: That's not even a person, idiot!
The door is slammed. The Boss looks frustrated.
Finn: *Dragging The Boss besides him to take his place, angering him in the process* Alright, stand aside, amateur.
Door bell is rung again, the door opens.
Finn: Hi there! We represent "The Broadway Better Business Players For a Brighter Tomorrow". We're trying to start a petition to get second rate shows taken off the marquee, and with your help we can stop Mama's Family from ever playing again.
House owner: Oh, thank goodness. Come in, come in!
The crew is shown entering the house
House owner: *Laughing* You know, for a second there, I thought you were all insane!
Finn: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Sonny closes the door.
House owner: Is that duct tape?
A duct tape-unrolling sound is heard. Cut to inside the house, where the house owner was bound to her couch, while Sonny, Brad, Oscar and Edward are croched down, and Brad analyzes the map.
Brad: According to this, we must dig through the floor to find the Voice of the Ancient World, and once found, he will lead us to the gauntlet.
Sonny: Then, let's get digging!
Everyone yells and raises their weapons, presumably to hit the floor.
House owner: I have a basement.
Everyone goes down the stairs to the basement. Down there, they all get shocked at discovering Randomfrog.
Frog: Hello. Didn't hear you come in.
Yuuki: You is you doing here what?
Frog: That's a very good question. And the answer is: you're not the only one that has an internet show to shoot, you know?
MimeFan: Yeah, but... what are you doing in this woman's house?
Frog: I think the real question is: what is she doing in *my* house.
Finn: Whatever. Is there a Voice of the Ancient World down here?
Frog: Certainly. It's right back there.
The crew enters a different room.
Sonny: Something tells me it's in there!
A small chest with a note written "DOES NOT CONTAIN VOICE OF THE ANCIENT WORLD" is shown.
Bruceton: That's the box of a carpenter.
Bruceton grabs the locket as Oscar reads the map.
Oscar: It says that the voice has been around longer than time itself. And that it has all the answers we need.
Bruceton: Well, here goes nothing.
Bruceton opens the locket. A small ball of light comes out, as dramatic music plays. The ball of light starts talking - and his voice is quite familiar.
Voice of the Ancient World: Yeah, what?
Everyone stands silent.
Sonny: Are you the Voice of the Ancient World?
Voice: Yeah, what about it?
MimeFan: You don't sound very ancient.
Voice: AND YOU SOUND LIKE A DONKEY'S ASS!!! SO WHAT THE F**K'S IT TO YOU?!?!
Dan: My, how rude...
Voice: HEY, YOUR MOTHER WAS A BITCH AND YOUR FATHER WAS A BULL! I GUESS IT MAKES YOU A BULLSHITZU! Ha, ha, ha!
Dan: *Saddened* Science teachers have feelings too...
Voice: SO WHAT THE F**K DO YOU P**CKS WANT?! I'M A MOTHERF**KING VOICE, AND I'VE GOT S**T TO DO!!!
Boss: NO, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! YOU ARE A VERY DISRESPECTFUL AND NOT VERY NICE CHARACTER!
Voice: OH HEY HEY HEY, GUESS WHAT?!
Voice: F**K YOU!
Boss: FUNK YOU!
Voice: F**K YOOOOU!
Boss: FUNK YOU!
Ollie: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, we're getting carried away here! Look...Voice, we're not here to start anything, we're just here to learn about the gauntlet, the Mysterious Person's Hand.
Voice: The Mysterious Person's Hand? Now that I know a great deal about.
Ollie: How much do you know?
Bright flash. Cut to images showing the story as the Voice tells it, for some reason in a more deeper voice.
Voice: Long ago, in the early years before the Common Era, there lived two good friends, an alchemist and a sorcerer. The alchemist was named the Regular Person, the sorcerer was named the Mysterious Person. Both were the absolute masters of their craft. the Regular Person taught the Mysterious Person the ways of science, chemistry, metal and wheels. In turn, the Mysterious Person taught the Regular Person the ways of magic, spells, sorcery, and the secret rites of the occult. But then the great King, Harkinian summoned the Regular Person to his throne, for he was his most trusted advisor. The King told the Regular Person he wanted to devote all his power into creating the strongest force on Earth. So, he asked which was more powerful, science or magic. If magic was chosen, the Mysterious Person would be put in charge, and though the Regular Person was a good friend, he knew that the Mysterious Person had a dark, brooding heart, and could not risk his power possibly destroying the land. So the Regular Person responded "In reason and science is where our future lies." The King agreed and gave the Regular Person all the control he needed to perfect his craft. Once word reached the Mysterious Person of this news, he felt betrayed and challenged the Regular Person in a battle to the death. the Mysterious Person created a magic stone that would give him unlimited power. He attached the stone to his gauntlet, also known as the Mysterious Person's Hand. But the Regular Person, through the science of alchemy, crafted a ring made from lodestone that could reflect the Mysterious Person's magic back to him. So the battle begun. The two fought for hours, science versus magic, light vs. dark. Mountains crumbled and the world shook. But in the end it was the Regular Person who rose triumphant. But because of their friendship, the Regular Person did not kill him. Instead, he removed the gauntlet and buried it somewhere safe in the depths of the Earth. For every time a sorcerer uses magic he drains his life force, and the gauntlet was the only thing that gave the Mysterious Person eternal magic with no repercussions. So the Mysterious Person stopped using magic, allowing him to live longer and longer, watching the world of magic fade, and the world of science and technology consume the Earth. Thus he spent the rest of his days vowing to find the gauntlet again, and destroy the pitiful world that science and technology had created.
Cut to Team B.
Rachael: *Monotone* How is it this Mysterious Person can live so long?
Voice: One of the first spells he casted with the gauntlet was eternal youth, so he can live as long as he wants, so long as he doesn't use any more magic.
Dan: What happened to the Regular Person? What happened to him and his creations?
Voice: *Returning to his normal voice* F**k if I know! He probably f**king died like any other n**ger! His creations? Passed down through time, setting off a chain of events that evolved into the technological world we see today.
MimeFan: We're actually trying to find the gauntlet that the MP's looking for. You know where it is?
Voice: Oh, f**k no! I ain't telling you guys that!
Yuuki: You is not tell us where is hand why not?
Voice: 'Cause if you guys find it, you'll do God-knows-what with that f**king s**t!
Ollie: No, no, really! After hearing all of that, I think we want to keep it safe!
Voice: NO, NO, NO! YOU F**KERS ARE GONNA F**K IT UP!
Otto: HEY LISTEN, HERE YOU SOUND-BIIIIITE!
Voice: HEY F**K YOU, YOU F**KIN MUSTACHE-WEARING N**GER!!! MY F**ING MOTHER WAS A F**KING SOUND BITE!!! F**K YOU ALL AND THIS F**KING SHIT!!! I'M OUTTA HERE!!!
The Voice flies above the team and out of the room.
The Voice goes up the stairs and past Frog.
Team B comes out of the room.
Sonny: Well, great! Now what the hell do we do?
Brad: Wait, who put that note on the box anyway?
Frog: Oh, I did.
Otto: OMG OMG IT WAS YOOOOOOOOU????
Frog: Yes. I put it there so it wouldn't be too obvious where it was.
Dan: Well, is there anything else that you wouldn't want to be too obvious?
Frog: Absolutely! This sheet of paper that says exactly where the gauntlet is located!
Sonny: Can we see it?
Frog: Sure. Have a looksie.
Hands over the paper to Brad. He gives a startled look.
Brad: Oh, you've...
Cut to the Amanda and Pete far away.
Amanda: ...got to be...
Return to Finn.
Cut to Harry, in the same place Amanda is.
Harry: ...KIDDING ME!
The field where they started is shown
Harry: IT'S RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED!?!?
Jamie: Ah, oui indeed. That was Monsieur Jarrold's idea. For you see, only the true of heart--
Harry: OH, SHUT UP!
Cut back to the basement.
Rachael: *Monotone* I hate today...
Finn: I need a stiff drink.
Sonny: Onward, my friends! Through the peaks and valleys of...
Everyone: SHUT UP!
Sonny passes by, saddened.
Oscar: Okay, let's hurry before this Mysterious Person chubby finds out about any of this.
Ollie: Aren't we forgetting something? *Points down then up*
Oscar: Oh, right...
Cut to the living room, where the house owner's bound are removed. Finn talks to her as the rest of the team leaves the house and Bruceton stands behind her.
Finn: And in conclusion to our strongly worded apology, we would appreciate it if you didn't hold us liable for any damages, injuries, property-wise or psychological. Um... Yeah, this has all been just a dream.
Bruceton punches her in the head with a boxing glove and knocks her out. Finn looks down
Finn: Let's go!
A fanfare is heard as the two run out of the house.
Cut to the field, as the team from Harry's group enter it.
Brodi: So where's the frigging thing anyway?
A storm drain is shown.
Jamie: It's over there... in the Storm Drain of Secrets.
Harry: Okay. Everyone, be on your guard. Will somebody cheer up Hilary?
Hilary: *In a lamenting voice, looking at his hands* BIG, STRONG HANDS!
Harry is about to go down, when Emily stops to sadly reprimand him, to which he replies by bowing down and starting to do the motions she taught him. She smiles cheerfully in response. A kneeled Harry puts his hands inside the drain.
Harry: I think I feel it... It's duct taped to the pipe. I think I got it! I got it!
A ripping sound is heard as Harry rises with a bag in his hand. The "item get fanfare" from Luigi's Mansion plays.
Everyone nods in approval, then an armored person rises behind Harry and everyone gets a worried face. Harry looks back just as the "knight" tries to hit him with a sword.
Harry ducks, and the sword misses.
Jarrold: Oh man! I missed!
Harry lifts the helmet's lid to reveal Jarrold.
Jarrold: Oh hey, the All Star Smashers! Hey man, I just found out what the internet is and your series... You guys are awesome!
Harry: Oh, that's great, really great. Are we cool now?
Jarrold: No, I still gotta kill you.
Harry: Of course.
Jarrold raises his sword, but Hilary stops it as he tries to attack again.
Hilary: Hands. Off. My. Friends.
Billy: Hilary, you're back!
Tim: I guess he realized that true friends are made of flesh and blood and not of material possessions.
Hilary: Come on, you guys. *Putting his hood down* That was a character I was playing! You take this way too seriously!
Harry: Yeah, well, could you knock him out for me, please?
Hilary punches Jarrold.
Harry: Thank you.
The rest of the team comes closer as Hilary holds Jarold by his neck. Harry tries to open the bag.
Jarrold: *To Jamie* Oh, hey man! Weren't you one of my obstacles?
Jamie: Um, sort of. The other obstacle took a desk job in Boise. I'm just the temp.
Jarrold: Well, thanks for betraying me, you rotten Frenchie.
Jamie: *Snickers* Go suck a baguette!
Harry unrolls the package. When it's done, he doesn't believe what he sees.
Harry: This is the gauntlet?
Jarrold: Oh, no. The gauntlet was too ugly, man. The jewel is all that matters. So I put it on a more fitting weapon. No one has seen anything like it.
The camera pans down on a Nintendo Power Glove with the jewel incrusted in it.
Jarrold: Born in a secret Japanese laboratory, smuggled out by American industrialist spies, the latest in Space Age technology!
Billy: I'm not gonna lie. That is friggin' awesome!
Billy: Yes. Yes you are.
Harry: Well, bottom line, we have to find another place to hide this! Come on!
Jarrold: NO! The Storm Drain of Secrets was perfect!
Harry: Oh, get a haircut, hippie!
Jarrold gets free and attacks Harry.
Jarrold: Give me the Hand!
The two briefly fight for the glove before Jarrold is thrown away.
Harry: Back off, man! *Points at Glove* Don't make me use this on you! He notices the stone isn't there Where'd the stone go? Where'd the stone go? Look around, look around, try to find the stone!
Everyone starts looking at the ground.
Jarrold: Oh, oh. Aw, hell with it, man! You guys aren't worthy enough to hide the gauntlet!
Harry: Oh, will you piss off already?
Jarrold: Back off, or I'll take it by force!
Harry: Yeah? You and what army?
Cut to the street. A car drives by, and reveals the Shadows, Kitten, the Voice of the Ancient World and Witch Warlock. The team jumps back, scared.
Voice: YES!!! IN YOUR F**KING FACE!!!
Jarrold: My guys are gonna rip you a new one!
Jarrold's team runs, but goes back as cars drives by.
Jarrold: Alright. Well, first they're gonna wait for traffic, then they're gonna rip you a new one!
Epic music plays as Harry unsheathes his sword and turns back to talk to his team.
Harry: All-Stars! Smashers! My brothers! I see in your eyes, the same fear that would take the heart of me! Unlike all the other times we've ever done this, this time we're really fighting for something! A day may come when dark mage threatens to throw us back into the Stone Age! A day may come when the cult of an unwitty hack actually allows him to do it! A day may come when the courage of All-Stars fails, and we break our oath of snark and irony! But it is not this day! Sure, we may have abused science. Really abused it! But that doesn't mean we still can't learn from it! There may be no more shows when the age of technology comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight!
Billy: *To TJ* He's really getting into this! *TJ nods in agreement*
Harry: So by all the cool gizmos and technological toys that you hold dear on this good earth, stand with me, All Star Smashers, for they may take our lives, but the will never take...OUR FREEDOOOOOM!!!
The team unsheathes their swords, GG starts making Chewbacca noises, Lee does an attack pose, Dr. Rex prepares his torpedo, Hilary clinches his fists, Amanda extends her hands, and Emily starts giggling while doing an innocent-looking fighting pose. Cut to Kitten's puppeteer growling, and a Shadow holding his sword before returning to Harry's team.
Harry: *To GG* Shut up! *GG stops making the Chewbacca nises*
A Shadow holds his sword and the witch laughs. Jamie holds his sword and Lee holds his pose. Cars stop passing and Jarrold's team crosses the street. The All-Star Smashers stand side by side in attack position as Jarrold lifts his sword, rushing and screaming, and his team continues to approach. Brodi imitates Link's scream from the Zelda games as the opponents finally come. Everyone is attacking each other. Brodi's replica of the Master Sword breaks, and she tries attacking with the stump. Tim bites Kitten, Emily and Tabatha team up against the Witch, holding her broom.
Tabatha: *In Japanese* Uhu, uhu, uhuhuhuhuhuhuhu~ You better hold on your hat! ♥
Seeing Pete's dagger, Brodi takes it to attack the Shadows. The Voices flies and punches Tim, Billy and Pete as it laughs. The Witch starts throwing lightning and laughing. A bolt hits Tim's sword that then glows.
Tim: *Lifts his sword* I HAVE THE POWER! *The sword blows and sparks shoot out of it* Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Everyone continues to battle. Kitten hisses at Emily, she gets scared and suddenly grabs the puppet.
Emily: Eek! Get away, you meanie kitty!
She squeezes the puppet, also squeezing the puppeteer's hand in the process, greatly injuring it. During the battle, Amanda grabs Jarrold by his neck and starts rubbing a stone on his face. The Voice floats
Voice: COME ON YOU, F**KING BABY GRAPHIC ANIME-LOVING N**GGERS!!!
Hilary: Rockbiter smash!
Hilary clasps his hands and grabs the Voice, but the Voice moves in a way that makes Hilary hit himself and he falls. The Voice laughs as it's released and flies off. Everyone keeps fighting. As the Witch laughs and shoots lightning, Jamie taps on her shoulder. She turns around.
Jamie: *Speaking in French* Je trouve ça très vexatoire. (Translates to: "I find that very vexing.")
He punches the witch and knocks her out. Lee grabs a Shadow's sword with his hands. Billy battles another Shadow.
Billy: *Dropping his sword* Oh, screw this! *Gets his lasso from his pocket and ties the Shadow's legs up/*
Battle continues, with Jamie using a sword and a baton to hold off Jarrold, who constantly attempts to strike it but to no avail. Cut to Pete and GG.
Pete: You will believe a boy can fly! Launch me, Little Grandpa Gorilla!
As the battle rolls, GG spins while holding Pete.
Pete: I'm flying, Little Wendy! I'm flying!
GG throws Pete, who screams, and crashes into the ground.
Pete: The current time is 3:55. Thank you for flying Painful Airlines... *Passes out*
Harry battles a Shadow. Meanwhile, Brodi uses Pete's dagger on a Shadow, Dr. Rex shoots his torpedo at that same Shadow, Hilary tries holding off another Shadow, and both Billy and Emily attack Kitten, with Emily still squeezing the puppet/puppeteer's hand very tightly. During all of this, Tim prays to Crom.
Tim: *Thinking* Crom, I have never prayed to you before. But I must at this moment. All I ask is that I am able to watch My Little Pony again.
The corner of the screen shows Tim wearing a My Little Pony T-Shirt and holding a Pinkie Pie plushie, this whole joke referencing one of the "Tim Carter Chair" memes.
Tim: Those ponies so gentle and kind. As a brony, I must re-watch the show once before I perish, as Friendship is indeed Magic.
As scenes of the battlefield are shown, Crom replies, and his voice is also quite familiar.
Crom: *Sighs* Hello?
Tim: *Thinking* Crom?
Crom: Yeah, who's this?
Tim: *Thinking* This is Tim Carter! I-I'm a big fan!
Crom: Well, what do you want?
Tim: *Thinking and smiling* Um, can you help us win this battle?
Crom: Fight your own battle, you schmuck! I'm watching Rick & Morty! Don't ever call me again! *Burps*
Tim: *Angry* Then DETENTION for you!
A Shadow punches Tim from behind. After some battle, GG attempts to spin Pete again.
Pete: Okay, let's try this again. One, two... *Pete falls in the ground*
After a battle with Jarrold, Harry loses his sword. Jarrold holds his own on Harry's neck.
Jarrold: You should have stayed on web!
Jarrold: Whatever! You're gonna die now!
Jarrold pulls his sword and prepares his attack.
Sonny: LOOK TO THE EAST!
Sonny is atop the hill, and lifts up his staff.
Close-up to Sonny. He oversees the battle
Sonny: The President of the Old Toys stands alone.
Boss: *Comes behind Sonny* Of course, you fool! *To Sonny* Shouldn't we help him?
Sonny: Oh, right. TO HARRY BRADSHAW!
A bright flash, then Sonny's team, except for Edward rush towards the battle. Jarrold's team stops fighting Harry's team and runs after Sonny's. Edward stands atop the hill and unzips his pants. A bright flash comes from his crotch that blinds Jarrolds' team as Sonny & co. attack them. A car passes behind Edward, the driver honks and whistles. Otto and Yuuki tap on Shadow 1's shoulders.
Yuuki: MY FIST EXPECTO!
Yuuki attempt to punch Shadow 1 in the face, but he completely misses and falls over. Otto shrugs at this, yells, and punches Shadow 1 in the face himself, knocking him out regardless. Bruceton fights Kitten, while Oscar, Ollie, Angel and Rachael fight the remaining Shadows. The Voice floats as Brad approaches
Voice: *Laughs* COME ON!!!! *Brad grabs the Voice* HEY!!! GET THE F**K OFF ME, YOU F**KING MONKEY N**GER!!!
Brad: BATTER UP!
Cut to MimeFan holding his staff like a baseball bat and gesturing. Brad throws the Voice, and MimeFan hits the Voice away
MimeFan: Home run for Profion! *Drops his staff and does a chest-bump with Brad* Yes!
After some swordfighting, The Boss stands with his machine gun.
Boss: THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO DROWN YOU ALL!
The Boss shoots, causing Jarrold to scream. Jarrold and a Shadow look scared as The Boss's bullets go past them. Emily then comes behind The Boss with a curious look on her face.
Emily: Ooooh, what does this thingy do?
Emily gets a gun from The Boss' back and fires as well in a playful manner. The Shadow and Jarrold get desperate. Then The Boss stops to see Emily shooting cheerfuly, looking surprised, but he then returns to shooting.
Emily: Yaaaay, this is so much fun! Pew, pew, pew! *Giggles happily*
After some battle, Sonny faces Kitten. He takes the puppet out of the guy's hand, revealing his hand that Emily crushed earlier in the process.
Sonny: Go back to the litterbox, kitty of puppety doom!
Sonny hits the puppet with his staff. The Kitten puppeteer acts as if he had a heart attack and faints.
As Dan approaches the battle, he notices Jamie rising besides him.
Dan: Toon Jamie Maussan? What are you doing here?
Jamie: Not much, Monsieur Dan Gough. I just happened to be the homme responsible for FINDING THE STONE!
Jamie puts the stone back in the Power Glove.
Harry: Let me see that! *Grabs the Glove* Ha, ha! We've saved the gauntlet!
Everyone cheers and raises their arms. Harry smiles, but turns back as he sees the others put down their arms and get worried. The Mysterious Person is revealed to be on the other side of the street.