At last...we have made it to the end.
Continuing where Part 6 left off, the Mysterious Person is shown, staring down the camera (and by extension, the cast across the street). Cut to Harry, looking back at the MP, worried. He turns around and walks up to Sonny, who is looking like he is in trouble.
Harry: You didn’t bring the map with ya, did ya?
Harry hits Sonny over the head with the Power Glove repeatedly.
Harry: Stupid! Stupid! Idiot! That’s how he’s been tracking us!
Harry looks back. the Mysterious Person is still across the street, staring them down. The Mysterious Person begins to cross the street. A car comes right at him, honking as it approaches, but it explodes just as it was about to flatten the MP, who continues to cross the street as if nothing happened.
Hilary: Oh, this is gonna suck.
Behind Lee and Brodi, the Shadows come to.
Shadow 2: It’s the Mysterious Person! The evil one!
Shadow 3: Kill him!
Shadows 2 and 3 rush at the MP, swords drawn, but the MP wastes no time in dropping each one to the ground – Shadow 2 with a chop, Shadow 3 with a kick to the knee and a punch to the neck. Finn frowns, and Pete tosses what’s left of his sword away in defeat. Jarrold comes to, and gets back to his feet near the MP, spinning dazedly. He finally stops and pulls his hair out of his eyes.
Jarrold: *Seeing The MP* Oh, hey, it’s you!
The MP stares Jarrold down.
Jarrold: No hard feelings?
The MP punches Jarrold into the atmosphere. The All-Star Smashers cringe. Shadow 1 raises his sword and prepares to attack. The MP slowly approaches him. Instead of attacking, though, Shadow 1 pulls off his hood and mask, revealing that he's actually Mick Ellison.
Mick: To hell with this, I’m getting out of here! *He runs off*
Harry: Wasn’t that Mick Ellison? Isn't he an Assist Trophy for us?
Mick: Be sure to come by my place later if any of you want lunch!
The MP continues to approach the All-Star Smashers. The Kitten Puppeteer and the Witch Warlock slowly get to their feet.
Witch Warlock: Hey, I know him!
The two are quickly vaporized in a fiery explosion. The MP continues to approach, acting as if obliterating the two obstacles was no effort to him. Harry looks at the All-Star Smashers and determinedly approaches the MP, Power Glove in hand.
Harry: *Facing down the Mysterious Person* Alright, listen, you dark city backwash. You may think you’re pretty tough, but you know what? We’re pretty tough, too. And I’m gonna tell you right now, there is no way that you are ever gonna get your hand on this!
He holds up the Power Glove, but the MP just telekinetically grabs it from Harry’s hand and puts it on.
Harry: That son of a…!
Harry walks closer to the MP.
Harry: All right, you drunk. Face the taste of my blade!
Harry begins to strike, but the MP, now with the power of the Power Glove, stops Harry in his tracks. Using only gestures, he forces Harry to repeatedly strike himself in the groin. Five times, six times… The rest of the reviewers cringe. Eleven times, twelve times… the MP pauses, and then adds a thirteenth time before forcing Harry to the ground.
MP: *Looking over the Power Glove* This is not my original gauntlet.
Dan: Actually, no, that’s the Power Glove. It’s an invention from the 1980's.
The MP fires an energy ball at Dan, knocking him down.
MP: I love the Power Glove. It’s so bad.
Billy: *Stepping forward and drawing his lasso* Good, bad, I’m the guy with the really cool rope.
Billy twirls the lasso around and tries to tie the MP up, but the MP catches the lasso and creates a fireball which destroys it. He then blows another one towards the team. Everybody ducks. The Boss and Emily step forward, each brandishing a machine gun.
Boss: 'Allo. My name is Amigo Toyota!
Emily waves innocently at the MP, while everybody else facepalms at The Boss' inability to get the line right, but the MP stares on, unfazed.
Boss: WHATEVER! YOU DISRESPECTFULLY MESSED UP IN KILLING MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE AT ONCE!
He and Emily fire their guns, with Emily once again shooting in a playful manner. But the MP deflects each bullet with a spin of his staff.
Boss: Whoa! That was awesome! GoAnimatingly, Bruceton-killingly awesome!
The MP fires an energy ball at The Boss, knocking him down while a frightened Emily quickly runs back to the others and hides behind Rachael. Sonny rushes in with a battle cry, staff in the air. The MP prepares to attack. With a jump, Sonny draws his staff, only to have it knocked out by the MP with one hit.
Sonny: Ohh. Well, um, kinda going out on a long shot here, but, uh…
He throws a packet of birdseed at the MP. It does nothing. The MP throws down his staff and stands right in front of Sonny. With a flick between the eyes, Sonny is launched into the atmosphere. Angel, Lee, Jamie, TJ, Tim and Dr. Rex all watch him fly away and disappear with a twinkle. Otto charges at him yelling.
Otto: RAAAAAAAARGH!!! NOW YOU ARE GOING DOOOOOOOOOOOWN--
The MP only forces him to hit himself in the groin just like with Harry.
Otto: No you’re not.
Otto also falls to the ground. With a cry, Pete runs at the MP, fists out in front of him like he’s flying. He runs a circle around the MP, screaming, but stops.
Pete: Terribly sorry, little Mysterious Person, but that's really all I can do.
The MP kicks Pete in the chest, sending him back in a blur, with Tim cringing in the background. Amanda approaches the MP.
Amanda: *Speaks in Japanese* I'm gonna make you go boom now!
Amanda squeezes her hand in an attempt to squeeze the MP's "eye" to destroy him. It obviously doesn't work.
Oscar: What’s she doing?
Tabatha: I don’t know. She just squeezes her hand and speaks Japanese.
Amanda: *Continuing to attempt to squeeze the MP's "eye", now speaking English again* Come on already! I don't want you to blow up now, I want you to blow up...NOW!!!!!
Ollie: Does it work?
Tabatha: Well, it does confuse people.
Ollie: Well, I guess that counts for something.
Amanda: Ugh, FORGET IT!!!!!
Amanda loses her temper and goes in to punch the MP, but he catches her arm and punches her. With a roar, Lee approaches the MP and ends up holding his foot. He takes a few punches from MP before forcing the MP into a flip which also knocks him to the ground. The MP takes his fallen hat and puts it back on. Bruceton steps up to attack, every inch the hero unlike in his source material.
Bruceton: You betrayed Shiva!
He flails his belt around as if it were a whip. The MP telekinetically brings over his staff and swings it in front of him, behind his back, and all around. Bruceton throws his belt to the ground.
Bruceton: You know, I think Shiva will get over it.
Bruceton turns and runs away while the Indiana Jones theme plays as he runs off. Brodi takes a stand against the MP, brandishing Pete's sword.
Brodi: Okay, you demon king! Now you’re g-
Just like with Harry and Otto, the MP just forces Brodi to hit herself in the groin.
Brodi: I’m going down.
He falls down once more. With a spin of his staff, the MP darkens the sky and causes an earthquake. The reviewers all stagger around, with Yuuki falling down. The Mysterious Person then smiles as he makes the following speech.
MP: The world of metal and wheels has come to an end. Your technological dystopia is dying. And its first victims shall be on this field.
The All-Star Smashers stop staggering, and Harry, Otto and Brodi finally get to his feet. The MP raises his staff to the sky with a shout, but is stopped by a ringing phone. The MP looks around, and with a sigh, pulls out a cell phone.
MP: Hello? *The All-Star Smashers are dumbfounded.* Oh, hey, what’s up? Uh huh… No, no, no, no. No, put a little milk in there, okay? Yeah. No, no, no, no, that’s a latte. That’s a latte. Yeah... Put a little more foam in it… More foam, less milk, that’s a cappuccino… Just do what you can, I-I’ll come back, I’ll talk to you later, okay? I’m in the middle of something. All right? Okay. Alright, bye.
The MP hangs up and goes back to staring down the All-Star Smashers.
Harry: *Waving his sword expectedly* Uhhhh…
Harry: That’s a friggin’ iPhone!
MP: So what?
Harry: So what?! That’s technology!
MP: No it isn’t.
Harry: Yes it is!
MimeFan: Dude, it’s like having a freaking computer in your hand!
MP: Well, I’m just using it for now.
Harry: Oh, yeah, and what are you going to do when all of technology is destroyed?!
MP: *Pauses* Think of something.
Harry: “Think of something.” “Think of something.” You are an idiot.
MP: Well, at least I’m not a hypocrite.
Harry: *He just can’t handle it* Not a hyp- Somebody… I can’t. I can’t. Somebody else talk to him. I simply can’t… I’m sorry.
He walks off screen, and Dan steps in to explain.
Dan: Well you see, Mr. Mysterious Person, a hypocrite is someone who says something, but then does something else.
The MP fires off an energy ball at Dan, launching him back into Jamie and Hilary, who catch him*
MP: And I say I will kill you, and follow through with it! Sound good?
Rachael is holding Emily, who is visibly scared and crying. The MP holds his staff in the air, summoning a bolt of yellow energy.
Harry: *Frantic* Doesn't anyone have any bright ideas?!?
The MP is beginning to glow with the energy. Otto, Oscar, Ollie and Dr. Rex are all shown, unable to do anything.
The MP stops glowing, and, surprised, steps aside to show us Eric, arm held high.
Harry: Eric! Nooo! *He and the others all try to wave Eric off.*
Eric: Oh, I know, Harry. I know. Eric can’t do anything. Eric’s totally useless. Eric can’t possibly be useful for this adventure, can he?
Dr. Rex: Eric, seriously, not a good idea.
Eric: Let me guess, this is a big, bad sorcerer that’s going to kill us all, huh?
The team nods. Eric turns to the MP.
Eric: Well, I have only one thing to say to you, buddy. Go to hell.
The team continues to try telling Eric to stop.
Eric: Go to hell. You think you’re so tough, Mister Supercalifragilistic sorcerer’s apprentice?! Well, you don’t scare me one bit! Haaahhh!
Angel: No, Eric, stop being dumb! You really don’t understand!
Eric: No, you don’t understand! I’m tired of being grounded by my dad! I’m tired of getting fifth billing to Brian! And stupid PC Guy! This guy can’t hurt me any more than Alvin Hung has, or Harry Bradshaw, or his friends! *Eric does air quotes around “friends.”*
Brad: No, seriously, Eric. He will freaking kill you!
Eric: You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I know that I’m totally screwed? You don’t- *He turns to the MP* You’re going to totally rip me apart, aren’t you? *MP nods* Yeah! So I’m not going to be surviving today. But that doesn’t mean I have to go out like a pansy. I’m gonna do what I always do: Pull out my ring, point it at him, and say “Go!”
At the word “go,” a ball of purple energy bursts from Eric's ring. It hits the MP and knocks him back. The MP is stunned, Eric is intrigued and the others, are shocked.
Dan: *In audio flashback* What happened to the Regular Person? What happened to him and his creations?
Voice of the Ancient World: *In audio flashback* His creations? Passed down through time, setting off a chain of events that evolved into the technological world we see today.
Harry: *Suddenly having an idea* Eric! The ring! It’s the only thing that can defeat him! Do it again!
The MP gears up for another attack.
He shoots another purple energy ball at the MP, who falls back again. The MP fires off his own green energy at Eric, who is hit to the ground.
The MP walks up to Eric and prepares to deliver the death blow, but he is knocked down by a shouting blue blur. Sonny pops up, quite discombobulated.
Lee: Dude! Did he just hit you around the world?!
Sonny: Actually, I’m pretty sure I saw the sun rise and set twice, so it might have been a few more than that.
Eric stands up and faces the MP, who kicks himself upright. He telekinetically grabs his hat and puts it on.
Eric: *Firing at MP* Go! *He fires again.* Go! *He fires a third time.* Go!!
The MP fires his green energy at Eric, knocking Eric back. The MP fires, then Eric, the two beams meeting in the middle. Harry leads everyone into cheering Eric on.
All-Star Smashers: *Chanting* Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
As the team continues chanting, the MP and Eric grimace more and more as they pour more and more power into their energy beams, though they are still evenly matched. The sky grows brighter and brighter with all the energy.
Eric: YOU! MUST! GO!
A massive explosion of energy knocks the MP and Eric away and whitewashes everything. When it clears, the Mysterious Person is gone. His hat falls to the ground.
All-Star Smashers: *Cheering* Yeah! *They begin to chant* Eric! Eric! Eric! Eric! Eric! Eric! Eric!
While they chant, Sonny does a goofy dance. The chanting fades, however, when the team sees Eric lying on the ground.
He runs toward Eric, wiping off his Braveheart facepaint on the way. The rest of the team all looks concerned. Harry finds Eric covered in mud and cradles Eric's head.
Harry: Eric! Eric...
Eric: *Weakly* Team out of danger?
Eric: Don’t grieve, Harry. It is logical. The needs of the many outweigh…
Harry: *Finishing the line* …the needs of the few.
Eric: Shut up, I’m talking.
Harry: Oh, sorry.
Eric: I never had much use for that stupid ring until now. What do you think of my solution?
Cut to Otto and Yuuki, looking distraught, Otto shaking his head.
Eric: I have been, and always shall be, your friend.
Eric's hand comes up to smack Harry in the face.
Eric: The power is yours.
Eric's hand falls, dragging the rest of Harry's facepaint off his face with it and catching on Harry’s lip. Eric's head falls to the ground.
Harry: *Seeing that Eric has died* No… *He turns away, heartbroken*
Fade in to the All-Star Smashers in two lines, facing each other. Lee, no longer wearing his Aslan mane hood, walks somberly down the middle, holding a Quaker-Style Oats canister. Dr. Rex is now dressed as Scotty from Star Trek, as opposed to Captain Picard. Lee, reaching the end of the line, sets the canister on the ground.
Harry: We are assembled here today to pay final respects to our honored dead, whom we have cremated and placed in this cardboard canister of Quaker-Style Oats.
Lee takes his place in the honor guard.
Harry: We’d like to thank Rachael for handling the cremation, even though I don’t think any of us want to know how or why she did it.
Rachael: *Monotone whilst holding a lighter* Yes...it is best that you don't ask me.
Harry: It should be noted that Eric's death takes place in the shadow of a Quaker smile. Eric died to protect and nourish our hearts, just like oatmeal.
Billy: *To Angel, whispering* This is so wrong. We should've used Pop Tarts.
Angel: *Whispering back* He would have liked that. And so would I, right now. *Billy nods.*
Harry: Some say Eric was worthless. Others say that he had no purpose. Some say he wasn’t the real Eric at all. He was just some angry American who really hated Alvin Hung. But regardless, regardless… He didn’t feel his sacrifice a vain, empty one. And who are we to debate a man who’s in a can of oatmeal? That just seems kind of low.
Sonny: I will not say “Do not cry,” for not all tears are an evil.
Harry: Of my friend, I can only say this: Of all the souls I’ve ever met on my travels, his was the most...animated.
Otto: ORDERS, HUT!
The honor guard stands at attention.
Otto: PRESENT ARMS!
The honor guard draws their weapons: staffs, wands, swords, hammers, etc. Edward draws his crystal ball, Bruceton draws his whip and Amanda pulls off her Flandre wings. Dr. Rex begins to play “Amazing Grace” on bagpipes. Harry curtsies and picks up the canister. Standing up, he pats the top and kisses it, and passes it to GG as Dr. Rex continues to play. GG throws the canister, American football-style, into the sky. The All-Star Smashers watch the sky as the sun sets.
Harry: *In voiceover* We never did find the gauntlet or the ring. We figured it must have been vaporized along with the Mysterious Person.
The funeral scene fades into scenes of Pete and The Boss in their daily lives.
Harry: *In voiceover* As time went on, everybody returned to their normal jobs: Driving buses, managing businesses, or whatever else. I couldn’t help but feel that Eric's death would linger in their hearts, welling up when they least suspected.
Cut to Sonny in his room, holding a copy of Harry Hill's TV Burp Gold.
Sonny: *Sobbing* ERIC!!!!
Harry: *In voiceover; we see Harry walking back into his house after the funeral* Of course, for me, the pain hit pretty hard.
Harry pulls off his William Wallace wig and sees a cup of coffee with “From Eric” written on it.
Harry: *In voiceover* And it still does.
Fade to Harry, now dressed in his normal clothes, staring out a window. He then stares at Otto, who is seen still dressed as Gimli, and passed out on Harry's couch.
Harry: *In voiceover* I have never faced death before. Not like this. I’ve cheated death. Kicked it right in the groins and then shot it when it was down.
Harry walks away from the window; fade to Harry lying on his bed.
Harry: *In voiceover* But this time? I couldn’t help but feel my own mortality. And the mortality of the people closest to me.
The camera turns, and we see Billy standing at the end of Harry's bed.
Billy: *Singing* Eric…
Harry, startled, shouts and jumps out of bed. Billy, startled, screams. Then Harry screams. Then Billy screams. Harry screams. Billy screams. Harry screams. Billy screams. Harry pauses, then screams. Billy screams. Otto screams off-screen.
Harry: What are you doing here?!
Billy: I want a song, dammit!
Harry: Get the hell out of my house!
Billy: I want a song! I didn’t even get a story arc!
Harry: *Sighing* Fine.
He sits on the bed.
Billy: *Singing to the tune of “Amazing Grace”* Eric, Eric, how great was he, that saved a geek like me...
Billy briefly pauses the song to talk while looking at the camera.
Billy: Look, I even brought a montage!
Harry and Billy look at the camera as the screen fades to Eric getting grounded by Diesel; Billy keeps singing.
Billy: I had no heart, but now I do… *The montage fades to the brawl, (Which I will parody next) and Eric shooting the crap out of people, then fades to Eric getting the crap kicked out of him* All thanks to Eric.
The montage fades back to Billy and Harry. Billy speaks up.
Billy: There. Now wasn’t that pretty?
Harry glares at him.
Billy: My work here is done.
Harry: *As Billy turns to leave* Billy? *Billy turns back to Harry* Do you ever think we’ll see Eric again?
Billy: Well, he’s dead. I don’t think they’ve discovered a cure for that yet.
Harry: But isn’t there any hope?
Billy: There was never much hope. Only a fool’s hope. Unless you were out looking for the Necronomicon or something. *chuckles*
Harry: *Intrigued* What?
Billy: Oh, the, ah, the Necronomicon. Book of the Dead? Said to bring the dead back to life and a whole bunch of other stuff? I found out about it after watching Evil Dead once.
Harry: *Raises an eyebrow and brings a hand to his chin* Necronomicon, huh?
Billy: *Catching on* Oh, hey, look, it’s not real. It’s just a legend... From Evil Dead.
Harry: Legend, huh?
Billy: Hey, come on. People don’t even know if it exists.
Harry: They don’t know, huh?
Billy: Hey, look, no one is gonna go along with you on this. We’re all adventured out.
Harry just nods.
Billy: Who are you going to find to come on some random quest for something that may or may not even exist?!
Harry gets an idea and smirks at Billy. Cut to the woods, where Macusoper is opening an envelope.
Macusoper: Oh my God, I won a car!
Cut to black. The End credits roll as Flight of Fantasy plays.
Gatekicker’s Wife: (Post-credits scene) Shut up over there! Mommy’s on the rock!