About time I worked on this! Let's get to it!
Our movie begins in space. We see a satellite orbiting over a nearby planet as it forms the All Star Smashers logo. We then fade to black as we hear dialogue from All-Star Knights.
Eric: *Weakly* Team out of danger?
Eric: Don’t grieve, Harry. It is logical. The needs of the many outweigh…
Harry: *Finishing the line* …the needs of the few.
Eric: Shut up, I’m talking.
Harry: Oh, sorry.
Eric: I never had much use for that stupid ring until now. What do you think of my solution?
Cut to Otto and Yuuki, looking distraught, Otto shaking his head.
Eric: I have been, and always shall be, your friend.
Eric's hand comes up to smack Harry in the face.
Eric: The power is yours.
Eric's hand falls, dragging the rest of Harry's facepaint off his face with it and catching on Harry’s lip. Eric's head falls to the ground.
Harry: *Seeing that Eric has died* No… *He turns away, heartbroken*
We dissolve to another scene where, at the end of his line, the image is now full-screen.
Harry: Of all the souls I’ve ever met on my travels, his was the most...animated.
The honor guard draws their weapons. Harry picks up the oatmeal canister. Grandpa Gorilla throws it into the sky. The All Star Smashers watch the sky as the sun sets, and we end the All Star Knights footage. Eric’s canister is floating in space as it passes Jupiter. Suddenly, an explosion occurs. The opening credits roll showing a mysterious circular anomaly and clips of the All Star Smashers heroes and villains floating in space. Appropriate space-themed epic music accompanies. Title sequence fades to black.
We cut to a parking lot near a stream with a satellite in the background. We see Billy Slaven crouched on the hood of a random car with a laptop by his side. Suddenly, a pounding sound is heard. Billy lifts up his head and opens his eyes as he continues to listen to the sound from the satellite. He then checks his laptop to see an image of Earth and some graphs, shuts it, hops in the car and races out of the parking lot. After a while, Pee-We Herman appears in the parking lot - Billy just stole his car.
Pee-Wee: My car...WHERE'S MY CAR?!
We then see the anomaly in space before cutting to Harry Bradshaw waking up in his bedroom looking shocked. He briefly looks around before he begins to dress himself in his normal attire and head to his filming room. His voice-over begins.
Harry: *Voice* Bradshaw's Log. Star Date: Umm... Thursday. It’s been one year since our battle with The Mysterious Person. We won, and yet I feel a certain unease. The death of Eric left a hole in my heart that can’t be filled. The critics have returned to their jobs, and, for them, life goes on. But for me, the house feels empty, like my 18-year old freeloading American child has just left for college never to return.
He looks at a portrait of Eric, a still where he's being recorded while preparing to unwrap a present.
Harry: It’s a feeling I’m not used to.
He then dials his phone to call Edward Yui.
Harry: Hey, Edward.
Edward: Harry Bradshaw! How wonderful to hear your voice! *Worried* What have I done wrong?
Edward: Well, it’s just that whenever you contact one of the other All Star Smashers, it’s either to criticize them or fire them. PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME, MR. BRADSHAW!
Harry: No. No. No. It’s not that. I just… I just need somebody to talk to.
Edward: Oh, well, anything in particular?
Harry: I don’t know. It’s just… You ever wonder what it means to be forgotten? To be cast aside?
Edward: Well, now that you mention it…
Harry: I didn’t think so. It’s just... *Sighs* Eric, you know. I’d never thought I’d end up missing him.
Edward: You’re probably feeling guilty.
Harry: Nah, that’s not it.
Harry: I feel… powerless. It’s like everything I do has a negative impact on somebody. I... *Long pause* I just wish there was a way I could fix it.
Edward: How? You dumped his ashes into an oatmeal can and then launched him into space.
Harry: Yeah, that was a weird request in his will.
Edward: Which you wrote.
Harry: He would’ve have wanted it that way.
Edward: After his death.
Harry: As I had to.
Edward: In his blood.
Harry: Well, if you had a pen...
Edward: Harry, you have to come to terms with the fact that Eric is part of that complete breakfast in the sky now.
Harry: *Sighs* Look, I can see I’m bothering you. Just go back to making reviews.
Edward: Of course, and if you ever need someone to talk to again-
Harry hangs up and looks at the portrait again when the doorbell rings. He answers it to see a man in a suit.
Man in a suit: President Harry Bradshaw?
Man in a suit: You’re under house-arrest.
Harry: What? Under what charges?
Cut to a courtroom with the return of Matthew Whitehead.
Matthew: Terrorism! Murder! And a complete disrespect for absolutely brilliant filmmaking. These are the crimes by the internet personality “Harry Bradshaw,” and I will not rest until he faces the cool hand of JUSTICE!
Judge: …Who are you?
Matthew: I am Matthew Whitehead. Last survivor of the once proud and mighty Weewoosian empire, and I am here to prove Harry Bradshaw is a renegade and terrorist. Roll the footage.
Cut to footage of the Battlefield Earth review, as well as KickASSia and All Star Knights Knights, all dubbed as 'File Footage'.
Matthew: Not only is he responsible for the destruction of my home planet, but he also invaded a micro-nation, stole valuable goods, and besmirched the cinematic masterpiece, Battlefield Earth.
Matthew: I demand the extradition of Harry Bradshaw! I demand justice!
Judge: Mr. Weewoohead…
Judge: …Whatever. From what I understand, that movie got 2% on Rotten Tomaters.
Matthew: I demand justice! These All Star Smashers clearly have too much power.
Judge: It’s a moot point, anyway. The Judiciary Committee has already voted. When they pass the SUGAASS Bill…
Matthew: SUGAASS Bill?
Judge: Stop the Unstoppable GoAnimate All Star Smashers, characters like Harry Bradshaw won’t even be in business anymore.
Matthew: Then Harry goes unpunished?
Judge: Mr. Bradshaw will be charged with 17 hundred and 64 violations of the FCC regulations.
Matthew: FCC REGULATIONS?!? That’s outrageous! *Stands up and points at the judge* Remember this well, stupid humans! There will be no peace between our planets as long as the Harry Bradshaw lives! I vow that I will fol-
He is then suddenly interrupted by a random ad.
'Announcer: *Voice of Peter Dixon* This vow has been brought to you by Energoda. It’s not an energy drink. It’s not a soda. It’s Energoda.
At this point, we see the proceedings on a TV set being watched by a mustached man.
Matthew: Wait. Did you just place a commercial over my dramatic speech?
Judge: Cut backs. Governments sometimes get extra money for advertisements.
He smiles as the phrase “Eat at Mega-Pizza” appears below him; a bell dings as well.
Matthew: Well, how many times is that going to hap…
Announcer: This question is brought to you by Energy Chips. They’re not energy. They’re not chips. Actually, yes, they are.
The mustache man, known as Douche E. Bag, turns off the TV and begins talking with a nerdy man in glasses.
Bag: This is an abomination. These critics are consummate snowball artists.
Nerd: *In a nerdy voice with a slight lisp* Yes, sir.
Bag: People think they’re watching a parody of Smash Bros, so they tune into these bozos who put on a complete mockery of a beloved Nintendo franchise.
Nerd: Some people might think you’re overreacting. Some are asking if there’s a need for SUGAASS. I mean, I know you’re their sponsor and all; but a lot of people don’t see All Star Smashers as a threat.
Bag: These charlatans are threatening freedom and making it harder to protect our corporate oligarchies. Lawl Ultimate 2 may have to be canceled.
Nerd: And what about Smash Bros Lawl XRD movesets? There could be no more movesets for Neinwott to produce.
Nerd: With all due respect. I think audiences' disinterest…
Bag: Inconceivable! The Villager in a Lawl spin-off is the epitome of high art!
Nerd: You paid someone to write that?
Bag: I wrote it myself! Find this Matthew fellow immediately. He may be of some use to us. Now to draft some Internet policy.
Bag starts tapping his computer screen; he has no clue what he's doing.
Bag: Oh, I can’t turn it on. Someone call the IT guy.
Bag picks up the phone as the nerdy guy looks on.
Bag: I know. I can’t turn it on. No, really. I don’t know where the 'on' button is. Really. Really.
Cut to Billy's room as he rushes to his laptop.
Billy: *Putting on a headset* Emergency meeting, guys. Emergency meeting. Somebody wake up Dr. Rex.
Cut to a drowsy Dr. Rex Richardson.
Billy: This is an emergency meeting of the Space Research Committee. Roll call. Billy Slaven, present.
Dincent Dan Gough: Dincent Dan Gough, present.
Owen Maddox: *Yawns* Owen Maddox, present.
Billy: Dr. Rex Richardson?
Richardson: *Still drowsy* Ready to feed you to a lion.
Billy: Then let this meeting commence. Azarath Mentrion Zinthos!
Richardson: Yes, uh, what they said.
Billy: OK. Since we started the Space Research Committee, we have had one goal on our minds.
Richardson: To get rich.
Billy: No. To boldly find what no man has ever found before.
Richardson: And get rich as a result.
Billy: And for all the time we spent night after night, what have we encountered?
Maddox: A stupendous amount of rocks.
Richardson: Then there was that thing you thought was a UFO...
Dan: But that was a rock.
Billy: Well, take a listen at what I heard today.
He plays the pulsing sound as everyone intently listens.
Maddox: OK, I am running a scan.
Richardson: I’ll see if I can use my satellite to get a lock on it.
Maddox: Uh, all preliminary scans check. This is legit.
Dan: Listen to the pulses on this thing.
Billy: The gravitational pull on that thing has gotta be stupendous!
Maddox: Whatever it is, it’s gigantic.
Richardson: OK. Tracking complete. Source point is confirmed as… Jupiter.
Richardson: Yes. And is it me or does it look like it’s getting bigger?
Billy looks puzzled as we cut back to Harry's house. Harry checks outside for someone, then checks his ankle bracelet. He takes a deep breath and tries to leave his house but gets shocked in the process.
Harry: Doh! Stupid bracelet!
He then shuts the door as his phone rings.
Matthew: *In his spaceship* Greetings, you pathetic pile of man-animal!
Matthew: Oh, you may have evaded intergalactic law, Rat-Brain, but you’ve not evaded me.
Harry: Mum, have you been drinking again?
Matthew: It’s Matthew!
Matthew: Matthew! You kept m trapped on your island. You took ovr my micronation. You even took Elouise from me.
Matthew: Matthew, your arch-nemesis! M-A-Double T-H-E-W. You know what that spells?
Harry: Oh, you’re the dick you got me under house arrest! I have to wear this stupid-ass bracelet because of you.
Matthew: It's the least you deserve, Rat-Brain!
Harry: Where are you calling from, anyway?
We see an exterior shot of his ship floating through space.
Matthew: My ship, of course. Not quite as cozy as your home, but it will suffice until I see your day in court.
Harry: And when's that?
Matthew: Uh, last I looked... 20 years.
Harry: What the hell? Why so long?
Matthew: Apparently, they didn't think the case was very important.
Harry: Or they thought YOU weren't very important. Did they even believe you were a spaceman? You look like Spider-Ham trick-or-treating as Neil Armstrong.
Matthew: Oh, so that's how it is. Well, I will make you pay for destroying my life. Consider this my vow.
Harry suddenly hears a thump downstairs.
Matthew: *Vo* I will not rest until your body is in ashes. Oh, there's no place high or low. I've marked every by-way and path you know! I will climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow!
Harry: *Starting to head downstairs* Hey, listen, can you legally do anything to me?
Harry hangs up. Ominous music plays as he walks downstairs but he sees nothing. He starts to head back upstairs when suddenly...
Harry turns around to find a shadowy figure sitting in his chair. He slowly approaches the figure and grabs him, revealing a possessed-looking Yuuki Ogata.
Harry: Yuuki! What are you doing here? Have you lost your mind?
Yuuki: *Sounding a bit like Eric throughout this scene* Help me, Harry! Take me home!
Harry: Yuuki. Yuuki, we are home. My home. Get out.
Yuuki: Then there's still time. Search for my body. Find the hole.
Harry: OK, there is no way I am reaching for your hole.
Yuuki: The hole. It's coming!
Harry: Please say no more about your coming hole.
Yuuki: *Putting his hand on Harry's head as Eric did before* Remember. Remember.
Harry: I think you need a doctor.
Yuuki falls on him, his hand still on Harry's face as they both lay on the floor.
Harry: Now I need a doctor.
Cut to Sonny Slaven reading a WWE magazine on his couch.
Sonny: I just don't know, Bill. You want to take my spaceship to go investigate some beeps in space?
Billy: It's not just beeps in space! The government's trying to cover it up! I tried calling NASA about this, but they treated me like I was crazy.
Sonny: What'd you tell them?
Billy: That I'm a nerdy British otaku who needs a spaceship.
Sonny: Sounds sane to me.
Billy: Oh, come on! You're the only person I know who has a spaceship. Where'd you get that thing anyway?
Sonny: Oh, it's explained in my videos. ...You have watched my videos, right Billy?
Billy: ...Course I do... I mean, I'm in them...
Sonny: Then tell me, who's Donny Dlaven?
Billy: ...Jambi's magic words?
Sonny: He's my psychotic evil twin! When did I add you to SSP?
Billy: Um...wasn't it 2000?
Sonny: That's when you was born! What site do I use for my videos, Billy?!
Sonny: Goodbye, Billy. *Hangs up*
Billy goes back to work, trying to find out more about that mysterious sound. Back in Sonny's house, he then sees a news report on TV.
Reporter: And in other news, police are baffled by a string of violent murders in the Basildon area. The targets are all white males in their early 20's who work online from home, and have ties to the animation website, GoAnimate.
Sonny: Huh. Glad that doesn't affect me any.
There is a knock at the door.
Sonny: Coming! *At his front door* Facebook. Who is it?
Donny Dlaven: *Voice* Let me in.
Sonny: Uh... Who is this?
Donny: *Cheerfully but eerily* ...It's your number one fan, Sonny!
Sonny: Another admiring fan, huh? Well, buck up.
We see the front of the door with Post-It saying "RENT DUE! -Management."
Sonny: Yes I'm...
As he opens the door, he finally notices who it is.
Sonny: ...gonna go get him.
He tries to leave, but Donny's gloved hand blocks Sonny from shutting the door.
Cut to Yuuki being examined by Dr. N. Dakota and Dr. S. Carolina.
Harry: Yeah, the doctor's looking at him now. We don't know what's wrong with him. Oh, hold on, I got a call on the other line, Oscar. Hello?
It's Sonny's voice. The sound of struggling and insane screaming and laughter is heard.
Sonny: Harry! Help! He's gonna kill me!
Harry: Look, Sonny. I need to go. The doctors need to talk.
Sonny: Harry, NO!
Harry hangs up as the doctors begin to discuss their findings.
Dr. Dakota: Well, from all outward appearances, Yuuki seems to be completely normal.
Dr. Carolina: Yes. "Normal."
Dakota: All except for his pea-shaped penis.
Dakota: But we all know about that.
Harry: We did?
Carolina: Of course.
Dakota: The problem seems to be inside his head.
Harry: Which head?
Dakota: His brain.
Carolina: Not his penis.
Dakota: No, but thanks for offering.
Carolina: We shall have to examine Yuuki's head.
Harry: His brain?
Dakota: No, his penis, but we should do that too. Make a note of that.
Carolina: I think we'll find that Yuuki is suffering from an acute case of CCFCP.
Harry: Which is?
Dakota: Coo-Coo For Cocoa Puffs.
Carolina: It's a technical term. You can find it in the DSM-4 right next to Fruity As A Nutcake.
Dakota: And when abbreviated, it has the exact same number of letters as the word "penis."
Dakota: Maybe later. Don't worry.
The doctors lift up Yuuki from his chair, placing each of his arms around their necks.
Dakota: We'll take good care of Yuuki. Especially his head.
Harry: You mean penis.
Dakota slaps him.
The doctors leave to take Yuuki to their examination room.
Harry: *Out loud to himself* Why do I talk to people?
Cut to Matthew's ship.
Henchman: Sir, direct call from... you-know-who.
Matthew: *Obviously concerned* Send it to my office.
We see a brief shot of Matthew's ship before cutting to Matthew inside a dark metallic room. He kneels down before a hologram of a Emperor Palpatine-esque character in a dark cloak.
Matthew: What is thy bidding, Executive?
Executive: There is a great disturbance in the hole.
Matthew: ...Have you tried Preparation H?
Executive: Not that hole. *Points up* It.
Matthew: Oh, that.
Executive: Yes. I sense a great disturbance in the imbecilic one known as Yuuki Ogata. The hole's reach is strong in him. He must not be allowed to turn.
Matthew: He's just a kid.
Executive: In our line of work, "kids" are a dangerous thing.
Matthew: But if he could be turned?
Executive: Then he could be a valuable ally.
Matthew: Yes, and with Harry under house arrest, there'd be no one to stop us.
Executive: Then so be it. Everything must go according to plan. The hole must remain anonymous. Soon there will be a new order. Without anyone to stop us, the Internet will be ours, and then we shall have ... peeaacccce.
Matthew: Soon the All Star Smashers will be crushed, and Yuuki Ogata will be one of us!
Executive: Wait, that's totally my line.
Executive: We're doing Jedi now, right? You totally stepped over my line.
Matthew: Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you were doing Sith!
Executive: No, we're doing both. See, you're doing Vader. I'm doing the Emperor. Sort of a catch-all.
Matthew: Oh, I get it now. Maybe we could start over and...
Executive: You know, I think that ship has sailed. Just forget about it. Find Yuuki.
Matthew: It'll be difficult. I'm not exactly sure where he is. Hold on, I've got Hologram Waiting.
Executive: You will not put me on hold-
The hologram switches to Bag.
Bag: Hello. My name is Bag. Douche E. Bag, and I hear you're having a problem with... All Star Smashers.
Matthew: Yeah. So?
Bag: I think we can come to an arrangement that has both our interests in mind.
Cut to Sonny being thrown to the floor with a finger trap on. He's seen coughing and has some blood coming from his mouth as he looks up at his evil twin brother fearfully.
Donny: Don't worry, my super-duper brother!
We see Donny standing as he holds up The Mysterious Person's Hand.
Donny: Once I return to the funhouse and show all my friends this awesome gauntlet, all your problems will be over and done with!
His cheerful tone turn suddenly turns sinister and eerie.
Donny: And nobody will even know you're gone...
He reverts to his former tone.
Donny: See you in Hell!
He laughs and says bye to Sonny, as he shuts the door, leaving Sonny, who faints on the floor.
The anomaly continues to grow as an image of Gort the Robot appears.
Robot: IT'S CALLING YOU...
Harry wakes up in his bed shocked again.
Harry: Who? Who's calling me?
He lies down then looks to his side to find Mick Ellison wearing a Jedi robe lying next to him.
Mick: *In an accent similar to Sir Alec Guinness* I think you know.
Harry screams three times and gets out of bed.
Harry: Mick! What are you doing here? How'd you get inside my house? Didn't you try to kill me last year?
Mick: This is about Eric. Your front door was unlocked. And yes, I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.
Mick: Well, why are you here to talk now?
Mick: All in good time, Harry. First, there is urgent business I must take care of.
They both intensely stare at each other. Cut to Harry looking pissed off in his room as we hear a toilet flush. We see Mick come out of the bathroom.
Mick: I apologize for any horrors you may face in there, Harry. Taco Bell is a harsh mistress.
Harry: Well, thank you for the lovely gift. Can you go now?
Mick: No, there is something important that we must discuss.
Harry: Tft. Yeah. Eric, right? What do you have to say about him?
Mick: Why, Harry? Why did you leave Eric in that oatmeal can?
Harry: We all thought he was dead. We cremated him. That usually does the trick.
Mick: Only his body was dead. Harry. His character survived.
Harry: His what?
Mick: His character. That part of him that lives on in his role. Darrin from Bewitched. Becky from Roseanne. Doctor Who. James Bond. Ozpin. Dumbledore. Different bodies, but the character survives. As he survives... *Points at Harry* in you.
Harry: *After a long pause* What the hell are you talking about?
Mick: Share your thoughts with me. Harry. An All Star Meld: our minds as one.
Harry: You want to go inside my mind?
Harry: ...Do I have to?
Mick: *Quickly* YES!
Harry: Okay, okay.
Mick reaches for him when Harry grabs his arm.
Harry: Just, if there's any naked images of Orlando Bloom in there, just know I thought he was a girl.
Mick: We all did, Harry... We all did.
Harry: All right. All right.
Mick places his fingers on Harrry's head. He melds with Harry as we see Eric's death again.
Mick: He spoke of your friendship. The needs of the many... outweigh...
Harry: ...the needs of the few.
Mick: Shut up, I'm talking.
Harry: *Annoyed* Sorry!
Mick: *Continuing to meld; after a while, he concludes* There's nothing in there.
Harry: Oh, come on. That's a little harsh.
Mick: No, I mean, there's nothing of Eric in there. I apologize, Harry. I did not know. He never melded with you. *Starts to walk away* And thus, everything he is or ever was... is lost.
Harry thinks for a moment, then goes after Mick, saying this off-screen.
Harry: Wait. Maybe not.
Cut to a house exterior as we move into space.
Richardson: *Voice* You know, guys, this could be the greatest discovery of our time. Something this massive and powerful could change everything.
Dan: *Voice* Billy, you don't think this thing could be related to Sonny, do you?
Billy: *Voice* I don't know, but until we do, we may want to keep this thing under wraps. You never know who might be listening.
Maddox: *Voice* Oh, don't be silly. Nobody's listening to a bunch of geeks, and besides, I got all the equipment to study this thing.
A giant laser looking contraption starts warming up.
Maddox: *Voice* If something goes wrong, we'll still have everything documented. God strike me down if I'm wrong!
The laser shoots down towards Earth and blows up that house - Owen Maddox's house.
Billy: *Getting concerned* Ma-Maddox! Maddox... What happened? Dr. Rex, satellite feed.
Richardson: *Looking at his terminal* ...My God, you are not going to believe this: His house just got destroyed. It came from wherever that signal came from. *Looks at his camera* I think he's dead.
Billy: *In a dramatic manner* No. No. No. *Looks up to the sky and shakes his fist* MAAAAAAAAAA--
Billy is suddenly interrupted; his demeanor changes on a dime.
Billy: Oh, hang on. Hang on. I got another call. *He's happy and smiling* Hey hey hey, Angel. Hey, hey, everything's good. Oh, you won another beauty pageant? That's awesome to hear. I-I'm kinda in the middle of something, Angel. Can you please give me a call back? Ok. L-Love you. Bye Bye.
Billy blows a kiss. He then quickly reverts back to his original demeanor, looking up again.
Cut to "security footage" in blue tint of Eric at the final battle from All Star Knights as he approaches Yuuki in his Harry Potter outfit. Harry and Mick watch from Harry's computer bay.
Yuuki: Eric of GoAnimate is go to where?
Eric: I'm here to help Harry!
Yuuki: No no no danger much too...
Eric: *Vulcan pinches him* I have no time to explain, Yuuki. *Holds his hand to Yuuki's head and whispers into his ring* Remember.
Harry: Yuuki! Of course! Yuuki has his character!
Mick: One dead, one flown over the cuckoo's nest. Both lost. I do not like this, Harry. Something's amiss.
Harry: Amiss? What do you mean something's amiss? Everything's finally starting to add up.
Mick: Where did you get that battle footage? Who filmed it? Why is so well edited? When did Eric find the time to do this? There's no continuity. Things are starting to unravel, Eric. I sense a disturbance in The Plot.
Harry: The what?
Mick: The Plot. Think of it as an unseen hand writing our every move. It guides us, surrounds us, directs us, gives our story arcs purpose. I've been studying The Plot for some time now, hence the smelly robe.
Harry: Yeah. *Waves his hand in front of his face* I was going to ask about that.
Mick: In a perfect world, The Plot should flow, but now... I have to go.
Harry: Again? God, how many chimichangas did you eat?
Mick: *Annoyed* No, I mean, I must leave! I'm sorry.
Harry: Leave? But why, we're finally starting to solve the problem here.
Mick: No, Harry. They're only beginning.
Mick turns around to reveal he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Mick: I sense a great evil. I must confront it alone, but if I should fail - *In his normal voice* and given how I'm dressed, that seems more than likely - *Back in his accent* it will fall to you and your friends to defeat it in a suitably heroic fashion. Find Yuuki. Listen to everything he has to say. All hope now lies with him.
Harry: *Quickly looks away for a half-second* But I can't with the...
He turns around to see Mick's not there anymore.
Mick: *Pops up from below, speaking normal again* No, just kidding, I'm still here.
Harry: Oh! *Chuckles* That's good.
Mick: See ya. *He leaves*
Harry sees the footage again and ponders.
Cut to Yuuki being examined by Dr. Dakota and Dr. Carolina as Dr. Dakota hooks up wires to his head.
Dakota: Now, I don't want you to be alarmed, Yuuki. This is just a device to monitor your conscience. Whatever you think will appear on the screen.
Carolina: Oh, and just so you feel comfortable, we invited a few of your friends.
Jared Bruceton, Lee Saunderson, and Go!Caillou enter. They all say their following three lines at the same time.
Bruceton: Hey, sexy.
Lee: Hey! You're looking good. How are ya doin'?
Caillou: Hey, how's it going, man?
Yuuki: You is Jared Bruceton. You is Go!Caillou. You is Lee Saunderson? You is here what doing?
Caillou: Oh, uh, Bruceton is taking me under his wing. He's teaching me how to be a, um, *Reads his notes* "pompous, slimy, cynical know-it-all, just like a real DVD reviewer".
Bruceton: And you've chosen a very good teacher.
Carolina: OK, here's how it works-
Caillou: That read was flat and unconvincing!
Bruceton: Nicely done.
Caillou: Thank you.
Carolina: *Confused* ...Here's how it works. You subjects will ask Yuuki a series of questions so that his subconscious will answer them here.
The doctors motions to the computer screen they have.
Dakota: We'll begin with some rudimentary questions. Gentlemen, proceed.
Lee: OK. *Holds up a card* Um, Yuuki, what are you think about right now?
Computer Screen: Friday by Rebecca Black._
Yuuki: Nonono me nono says that!!
Dakota: But your mind did!
Carolina: Isn't science embarrassing?
Yuuki: No mind nono say that.
Computer: Yes, It did._
Computer: Yes, It did._
Computer: You're still thinking about it._
Yuuki: Me now thinks it about stupid machine does it!
Bruceton: All right. All right. Now, let's get real. Yuuki, how often do you listen to Rebecca Black?
Yuuki: Nonono me no like Rebecca Black!
Computer: 12 Times a Day._
Lee: Why do you like her so much?
Yuuki: Me dont!
Computer: She reminds me of my long lost sister._
Caillou: Wait a minute. You had a sister?
Cailllou: And she reminded you of Rebecca Black?
Yuuki: *Getting frustrated* Nonononoooo not happen!!
Bruceton: Yuuki. Were you sexually attracted to your sister?
Yuuki: You is too disrespectful questions...
Dakota: *Writing down notes* This is gold!
Yuuki: *Agitated* Me want subject new please?
Caillou: All right. All right. All right. All right. ...Spoony, what do you think of Birdemic?
Computer: Wasn't that bad._
Bruceton: Cool Cat Saves the Kids?
Computer: Cool Cat is dreamy._
Lee: The Superman game for the N64?
Computer: Guilty pleasure._
Lee: Wow. You are such a phony!
Yuuki: *Angry* Please on moving!!
Carolina: Uh, the machine works. Get to the real questions.
Bruceton: Hmm. (To Lee) Remind me to ask him if he's a transvestite.
Yuuki: *Young Link scream*
Bruceton: I love this thing.
Cut to Harry's front door where someone holding lingerie and other kinky clothes - S&M outfit, perhaps? - knocks. Harry opens the door. We see it's...
Otto Layfield: MR. PRESIDENT, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?!?! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IT'S ILLEGAL TO FORGET ABOUT OUR DAY OF WATCHING THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW?!?!
Harry: Uh. Come on in, Otto. It's a long story.
He enters but briefly stops when Harry points at those clothes.
Harry: You're gonna wear those, right?
Harry sighs as they both go into the house. Cut to Harry walking downstairs with a cup of coffee.
Harry: Yeah, I always knew I'd pay for my crimes against humanity. I just thought it would be someone from humanity, you know. I mean, I really... *Sees Harry at his computer* Who are talking to?
Otto: No one.
Rachael: *On the other end, speaking in her usual monotone voice* I am warning you, foolish mortal. If you dare call me again, I will be forced to unleash my dark magic powers upon you-
Otto shuts her off.
Harry: *Sighs* Really? You're still after that creepy goth girl, Rachael?
Otto: I DON'T KNOW!!! *Speaks normally, almost becomes infatuated, thinking of Rachael* There's just something about a mysterious girl who's clearly hiding some deep emotional damage. Sexy, you know?
Harry: *Sits down in his recliner* Oh, you mean, like the mystery about why she has the hots for Hilary?
Otto: WAAAAAH?!? THAT STRONGMAN DELIVERY MAN?! WHAT DOES THAT PUDDING HATING MUSCLY POOPY-FACED TOMATO NOSE HAVE THAT I DON'T- I mean, she has the hots for him?
After giving Otto a puzzling look, Harry sets down his coffee.
Harry: What really concerns me is this whole Yuuki/Eric thing. That and these weird dreams I've been having.
Otto: WHAT DREAMS ARE YOU GOING ON SPEAKING ABOUT?!
Harry: Yeah, I know it sounds stupid but at the same time, a lot of weird, stupid stuff has been happening, it's kinda hard not to notice. The especially weird thing is that every time I get one of these dreams ... I feel like it's calling me someplace.
Otto: CALLING YOU...??
Harry: I know. I know it sounds crazy. It's totally insane, but every single time I get one of these dreams, I feel like it's calling me to someplace important, someplace where I belong, someplace ... where I can make a difference. *Grows really concerned as Otto looks on* I don't know what's going on, but... I just want to find out what's calling me.
Otto: *Goes over to Harry and kneels next to him, speaking in a normal tone again* Harry. Do you think that maybe you could ... find the energy in you so you could ... *Back to yelling* GIMME HILARY'S PHONE NUMBER SO THAT HE MAY RECEIVE NO PUDDINGS VIA PRANK CALLS?!
Harry: *After a few seconds* Yeah, I could use the entertainment.
Otto is happy as they both go to prank Hilary.
Cut to Yuuki's interrogation.
Carolina: Yuuki. I want you to try and remember what happened when you entered Harry's house.
Yuuki: Me, zuh, hmm...
The lights start flickering, and the computer starts becoming static-y.
Dakota: Increase span width to his brain! Get us back in sync.
Carolina: That's what I'm doing!
Yuuki: On going what's?
Dakota: It's all right, Yuuki. Everything's fine! *To Dr. Block* Everything's not fine. *To Caillou* Ask him the questions from Set B.
Caillou: *Holding up the cards* OK, um... What is your name?
Yuuki: Me is Yuuki.
Everyone looks confused.
Dakota: Keep asking!
Caillou: After the fight with the Gauntlet, you left Japan. Where did you go?
Yuuki: Me no leave Japan you wrong is?
Computer: Orbiting the Planet Jupiter._
Bruceton: Why were you at Harry's house that night?
Computer: Phone Home._
Caillou: Phone Home?
Bruceton: Yuuki, where do you think we are right now?
Yuuki: Room is this now what?
Computer: The Jovian Moon of Europa._
Cut to Strongman Hilary as we hear Otto's voice before cutting to him.
Otto: (Southern accent) And so, as the head of the Chelsea football club, we would like for you to stop swearing every time we lose a game so our football players will no longer be distracted by your hellishly unholy swearing.
Hilary: Ooh. Thank you, Mr. Chelsea Coach, and so long as we're talking about air space, you might want to put Otto Layfield on your maps. His obviously fake mustache is much too large. And if the Liverpool football team crashes under his mustache and are forced to eat themselves...
Otto: *Hangs up* AAAAAAARGH, HE'S TO GOOD!!!
Harry curiously checks out his mustache then looks away.
Otto: HEY, WHAT IS THIS?!?!
He sees the black computer with only the phrase "Hello.".
Harry: Did you push anything?
Cut to the doctor's office.
Caillou: How did you get to Europa?
Yuuki: Wahhh me is confuse??
Computer: Through the hole._
Bruceton: The hole?
Cut back to Harry and Otto.
Harry: *Typing, not speaking* Hello?
Computer: Is this Harry Bradshaw?
Harry: That depends. Who is this?
Both Harry and Otto look disbelieving.
Harry: Eric, huh? Back from the dead?
Computer: Ask Yuuki, He'd Remember.
Harry and Otto look concerned.
Computer: Why did you abandon me, Harry?
Harry: Turn this off.
Otto: *Presses a button* I CAN'T!
Otto: *Starts frantically hitting many buttons* EGADS, THIS DAMN CONTRAPTION WON'T LET ME!
Computer: Why did you leave me to die?
Cut back to the doctor's office.
Carolina: Of course, wormhole theory! It's the only way he could travel.
Dakota: It's the only logical explanation.
Caillou: But how does that work?
The computer starts showing mathematical equations.
Lee: What's going on?
Carolina: He's... showing us...
Harry's computer says "Remember," which then repeats itself on the screen.
Harry: See if this is happening on your computer.
Otto: AYE-AYE! *Heads upstairs*
Back to the doctor's office, as the equations become more complicated.
Bruceton: Looks like Stephen Hawking's grocery list.
Dakota: Who knows what's in this guy's head?
Carolina: It could take eight Will Huntings to decipher this hole.
Yuuki: *Becoming worried* No me no likey this...
Otto goes to her laptop computer to find the same equations and Remember screen.
Carolina: Yuuki, where is the hole?
Black out. The pulsing sound from the "hole" starts pounding again. Yuuki now looks possessed as star charts start showing up on the computer.
Bruceton: What's he doing?
Dakota: He's searching through star charts.
Carolina: Our computers don't have this information!
Yuuki starts shaking. Meanwhile, Harry stares angrily at the "Remember" screen then tries to turn off the computer. He can't. He then tries to unplugs it but struggles doing so. Eventually, he pulls the plug out of the socket and sighs relief, tilting his head back while sitting down, but the images keep popping up, much to his dismay. He stands in fear. Yuuki continues to shake vigorously as the computer zooms in on the "hole." The others in that room being to fear for Yuuki's safety. Otto returns downstairs.
Otto: BY GAWD IT'S ON ALL THE COMPU... ters... *Notices the computer screen*
They back away slowly from the computer as Harry starts to hide behind Otto. Bruceton tries to restrain Yuuki as the computer comes closer to the hole's location.
Dakota: Yuuki, is this the hole?
She points to the screen as the anomaly from before comes on screen and grows bigger.
Both computers explode. Yuuki has now passed out. Harry and Otto come back up from ducking out of the way of the explosion.
Harry: *Pointing at Otto* That was definitely meant for you.
Otto: *Looks back at Harry, giving an exasperated scream* AAAAAAARGH!
To Be Continued...