Oh hai, viewers! Let's get ready for Part 2!
Open in Bag's office. He's playing A Hat in Time on his iPad as the Nerd comes in, holding some data printout.
Nerd: Uh, sir. This just came in from the NSA. Interesting activity all over the net. We thought it was a worm overriding all the ASL systems, but...
Bag: I told you. I just write video game policies. I don't understand it.
Nerd: Sir, I think you should see this.
The Nerd hands Bag a sketch of the hole.
Bag: Where did you get this?
Nerd: From the mind of a gibberish-speaking Japanese kid.
Bag: Contact Matthew. We leave at once...right after I finish A Hat in Time.
Cut to the Doctor's office with Yuuki knocked out. Bruceton is out of the room, Lee is eating a hot dog, and Caillou holds a can of soda.
Carolina: *Sighs* I'm concerned about Yuuki.
Dakota: He's sedated but his brain is still downloading vast amounts of information from somewhere.
Lee: How much information?
Carolina: Physically speaking? Enough that it will make that weiner of yours about twice the size of New York City, and three times the height of Mt. Everest.
Lee stops eating.
Caillou: *To Lee* Wow, you are hung!
Carolina: You see, most people only use 5% of their brain, but Yuuki is at 92%.
Lee: Well, why not pull the plug and wake him up?
Dakota: Because whatever he's hooked up to is still pumping.
Carolina: Have you ever tried to unplug a fire hose when it's still attached to the hydrant? *Makes splashy noises*
Caillou: Well, what happens if his brain fills to 100%?
Dakota: A boom..
Lee: Oh no!
Dakota: Now you see the conundrum?
Lee: Well, we have to do something. I don't want to see my dumb friend's head explode.
Dakota: Oh, don't worry.
Carolina: We have a contingency plan. *Tease opens up an umbrella*
Bruceton enters with a Starbucks coffee.
Bruceton: How's Yuuki Idiogata holding up?
Caillou: Not good. Ask Lee about his weiner.
Bruceton: *Confused and disgusted* No!
Quick zoom of the door from the outside. Bag and the Nerd burst in.
Bruceton: Um, can we help you?
Bag: In the interest of National Security, we are here to confiscate your Asian.
The camera briefly pans to Yuuki and then back on Bag.
Bag: Shut this off. Shut this all off.
Dakota: Shutting this off would have extremely dangerous consequences.
Bag: I'm not interested in your opinion, you gaggle of quacks. JUST SHUT IT OFF.
Dakota: Something out there is talking to Yuuki, and we don't know what.
Carolina: Pulling him out of this coma can have dire consequences.
Caillou: Yeah. Tell him about Lee's weiner.
Lee: *Nervously chuckles at Bag* That might sound weird out of context...
Bag: SHUT IT OFF!!!
Bruceton: *Stopping him* My friend. Don't be a douchebag.
Nerd: Um, I'm not much of a medical doctor...
Bag: Neither are they. They got an honorary degree from the Freudian University Gift Shop.
Bruceton: Is that true?
Carolina: Absolutely NOT!!!
Dakota: I got mine out of a cereal box!
Bag: SHUT IT OFF!!!
Nerd: *Moving past Bruceton* OK!
Dakota makes an explosion gesture as the Nerd reaches for the plug. Everyone cowers behind Bag as Carolina opens her umbrella. The Nerd pulls the plug. Once he does, red sirens start going off.
Nerd: Oh, poop!
Everyone looks concerned as Yuuki's eyes open to reveal a white glow. He lets out a fiery blast through his mouth that explodes through the ceiling. We then see a montage of red orbs floating around the city set to a remake of Mick Smiley's "Magic". Only in this case, "magic" is replaced with "science". It looks very much like the 'spirits released' scene from Ghostbusters. We also see cameos from other characters: Diesel's hat is changed, Dr. Donkey Kong's banana gets replaced by a hand...which he continues to eat, Macusoper's toothbrush is replaced with a twig, Jeremy Gilman's desk is moved to the other side of his room, and Uncle Gerald's lawnmower is replaced with a stuffed toy. Harry and Otto start to notice the orbs outside Harry's living room window as they come crashing through, knocking them down.
From the floor, Harry holds up his phone - the only part of him in this shot.
Harry: That's it! I've had enough! *Presses a button on his phone*
Talking Joe is suddenly teleported out of the House of Fear via a Star Trek beaming device. Donny starts to leave Sonny's home as police sirens are heard. Cut to MimeFan's house.
MimeFan: *Holding a vial of blood* Now that I got that new Go!Animate video out of the way, I can get back to what I normally work on: The cure for cancer!
Brodi Welsford is teleported while playing a Nintendo game.
MimeFan: Almost done. But if I get interrupted, I'm never finishing.
He gets teleported.
Finn Palmer is teleported from his room. He sounds "happy".
Finn: Oh, fantastic.
Cut to Sonny's apartment as we hear a knock from outside.
Donny is teleported. Harry and Otto stand up as the All Star Smashers are teleported to Harry's house including: Billy Slaven and Ollie the Snow Leopard, then Brad Till and Brodi Welsford. They're followed by Rachael Slaven, who Otto smiles at, followed by Strongman Hilary, who Rachael stares at and Otto groans at. They're followed by: Amanda the Panda, Oscar the White Tiger, The Angry Boss, Dincent Dan Gough, Tim Carter, Finn Palmer, Pete the Cheerful Bus Driver, Emily Slaven, Angel Slaven, MimeFan, Tabatha the Tortoise, Donny Dlaven, Talking Joe, Edward Yui, Grandpa Gorilla, Dr. Rex Richardson and Elouise Pitman. They don't look very happy, except for Emily and Pete of course.
Harry: *Hesitantly* Hello again.
Cut to Matthew's ship, where he kneels before The Executive.
Matthew: We have Yuuki.
Executive: Excellent. And we have also successfully tested our new weapon.
Matthew: And it reached Earth?
Executive: With impeccable accuracy. Oh, it will take a while to regenerate for a second use, but everything is going exactly as I have foreseen.
Matthew: Nothing can stop us!
Executive: Yes. You would need a bizarre combination YouTubers, nerds, gamers, toys, OC's and school teachers to defeat us now.
Matthew: And the Cheerful Bus Driving Charm!
Cut back to Harry and his band of "YouTubers, nerds, gamers, toys, OC's, school teachers, and the Cheerful Bus Driving Charm." Naturally, they don't look too convinced. Angel, in particular, looks very impatient.
Angel: Ugh! This is so boring! Just get on with it already, dummy! *Pouts*
Harry: So, as you can see, this is bigger than we've ever tackled before. It's not only threatening us. It's also threatening our dead people that we've thrown into space in oatmeal cans. This is big. Now, I know I've never asked anything of you guys before...
Rachael: *Monotone* Sigh... Did you really just foolishly say that?
Harry: But we have to come together and make things right. Now, Yuuki seems to be the major link here. Where is he?
Bruceton, Caillou, and Lee enter.
Bruceton: In Federal Custody.
Harry: Federal Custody? Well, where the hell were you?
Bruceton: In Federal Custody!
Harry: Damn. He must be somewhere where we can't track him.
Cut to a house basement where Yuuki is being taken by Bag and his men.
Yuuki: Geez! On going what's?
Bag: We're putting you into cardboard freeze.
Yuuki: WHAT??? Nonononono! Me was suppose to live! Im crying rite nao! None of you respect my opinion! You is all blocked! You-
Bag: Lower him in.
Yuuki: No no no! *Young Link scream*
And in he goes, inside the cardboard box.
Yuuki: *From inside the cardboard box* Geez! Me got kiddy-kidnapped! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Bag: *To Agent 1* You, inform General Whitehead he has his prize. *He leaves; to Agent 2* And you, follow me. We have an island president to crush. *They leave*
Back to Harry.
Harry: All right, then we have no time to lose. We have to go save him. Let's do it.
TJ: No trust.
Boss: No offense...actually, a lot of offense. But what Thomas is meaning to say is: WHY IN THE BLUEST OF BLUE HELLS SHOULD WE TRUST YOU?!
Harry: Oh, come on. When have I ever lied to any of you guys?
MimeFan: Well, there was that time last year where you lied about the free car.
Harry: Okay, I lied about that. Funny story about that actually. I sent an invitation to someone else about the free car, but I accidentally had her letter say that she'd get her car a year later.
Oscar: But it's been a year, Chubby.
Kawaii Krunch suddenly enters in a very upbeat and positive way way.
Krunch: Konnichiwa, hajimemashite yoroshiku! *Strikes a kawaii pose*
Tabatha: *To Billy and Tim* You two are the anime experts here. What did she just say?
Billy and Tim: "Hello, nice to meet you!"
Krunch: *To Harry* Hello! Where's my free car, Harry-san?
Everyone looks at her in an awkward way. Krunch suddenly becomes sad when she realizes there is no car.
Krunch: *Sadly* I-Is there no free car, Harry-san?
Harry: *After a long pause* Hilary, fill her in.
Hilary: *To Krunch* All right kid, you're gonna love this...
Harry: OK, I lied a few times. And I know I've made a few mistakes in the past...
Harry: And sometimes I've lead you into danger...
Harry: But at least I had the best intentions in mind...
Harry: And things have always turned out OK.
Everyone but Donny, Pete and Emily: NEVER!
Harry: But this isn't about me this time, all right?! It's about Yuuki! And Eric! And whatever it is out there that's turning our world upside down! Something is going on out there. Eric is alive. And for once in our lives, for once in MY life, I actually have a chance to account for one of my mistakes. I have a chance to actually do something right. Please. I'm...I'm begging you here.
Dan: Well, it would be good of us to help out our fellow All Star Smasher.
Oscar: And if the world goes down the drain, there will be no one left to come and eat at the Chubby McDonald's.
Brad: And then there will be no lifts left to ride!
Richardson: And then I won't get paid for my research on animal science!
MimeFan: And then I'll never win that car I was owed last year!
Krunch: *Worried* A-And I'll never be able to see my beloved Henry-san again!
Angel: And I won't be able to win any more beauty pageants! And there'll be no one left to see my cute and pretty little face!
Harry: That's the selfish spirit! Sonny, what do you say?
Donny: *Laughs weirdly* Foolish insepid mules! The probability of your success shall be minimal, ensuring your failure and my victory! Yeeeessss...!
Everyone stares for a moment or two...
Harry: All right, if we're gonna do this, we're gonna fight science-fiction with science ... science! Only those two doctors who were analyzing Yuuki can tell us what's going on. Where are they?
Bruceton: Um, yeah. About that...
Lee: ...they kinda got themselves arrested...
Bruceton: ...by assaulting a federal agent...
Lee: ...and a cop...
Bruceton: ...who they stole his gun from...
Lee: ...and used it against him...
Bruceton: ...to steal a squad car...
Lee: ...in exchange for...
Bruceton: ...an ice cream truck...
Lee: ...and high-tailed for Tijuana...
Bruceton: ...where they were picked up by the Mexican Federales...
Lee: ...dressed as nuns.
Bruceton: They're gonna be gone for a looooong time.
Elouise: *Sweetly* Boy, that's quite a routine you worked out there!
Lee: We worked on it in the car.
Caillou: You did awesome.
Brodi: Well, that's just great. Anyone else know a scientist who's crazy enough to know what's going on?
Brad: What about Dr. Richardson and Dincent Dan the Science Man? They're scientists.
Brodi: Yeah, they're scientists, but they're not crazy.
Richardson and Dan: Thank you.
Brodi: You're welcome.
Emily: Um, Harry? W-Where did you get the beamy thingy that tellyported us here?
Harry: Oh, I stole it.
Tabatha: From who?
Harry thinks for a moment before we cut to our culprit in his lab, with bubbling sound effects. The culprit is revealed to be none other than...
Professor Poopypants: So, the All Star Smashers have come home to roost, eh? But what makes you think I want to help any of you in any way?!?
Everyone except for Harry is in Professor Poopypants' lab. Hilary is seen holding a phone in his hand.
Harry: *On the phone Hilary is holding from his computer* Oh, come on, Poopypants. You know just as well as I do your ass is on the line. If we don't stop this thing, it's gonna be anarchy and chaos. The world's gonna be turned upside-down.
Poopypants: Precisely, which will make it all the more easy for me to take over!
Bruceton: Or it could turn you into a hippo's ballsack. *Snickers*
Poopypants: Good point... Very well! There's only one explanation for what's going on here, and I think I've figured it out.
Boss: Very well! So what the funk's going on here with all these anomalies then? Tell us at once!
Poopypants: The answer is quite clear. We're dealing with... *Dramatic turn* a Plot Hole!
Everyone: ...A Plot Hole?
Note how Otto is constantly rubbing Rachael's arm and fawning at her the whole time.
Angel: *Scoffs* What do you mean, a Plot Hole?
Poopypants: I'm talking about a portal that shoots out nothing but inconsistencies and mistakes.
Poopypants turns on a projector, and everyone turns around to see what it projects: the space anomaly we're now familiar with and a "Plot Hole" caption underneath it.
Poopypants: Right is wrong! Wrong is right! Forwards is backwards, and backwards is forwards! It's a gateway to madness, and it's out of control.
Cut to Harry intently pondering what Poopypants is saying.
Poopypants: Any outcome could occur, and anything that was impossible before is possible now.
Amanda: But what started this Plot Hole? We don't want to know now, we want to know NOW!!!
The slideslow shows the battle between Eric and The Mysterious Person.
Poopypants: Well, you see... when Eric's ring collided with The Mysterious Person's Hand, the resulting explosion ripped a hole in the Space Story Arc Continuum.
He shows a hole on a map of stars with several circles around saying "bad", as if it was drawn by a toddler.
Poopypants: And thus, the Story Arc was filled with all these little pockets of chaos.
Lee: Well, that's why we wouldn't notice all the PAINFULLY OBVIOUS inconsistencies around us. *Turns to Donny standing behind him* Isn't that right, Sonny?
Lee turns back ahead and smiles.
Poopypants: *Turning off the projector* Yes. It also explains why Sonny could transform into Donny in KickASSia, even though they're obviously two completely different people!
GG: *Gorilla noises. Just like in KickASSia and All Star Knights, his dialogue is translated* But wait...that was in the past.
Poopypants: Oh, Dr. Donkey Kong, once again, you're not thinking fourth-dimensionally. Time isn't a straight line. It's more like a David Lynch movie: a wondering, meandering thing that goes in all directions. And if you're very lucky, by the end, you'll see some attractive women and maybe some little people.
MimeFan: Professor Poopypants. What is inside the Plot Hole? What is through the gateway of madness?
Poopypants: I don't know. But what I do know is: if it isn't stopped soon, all logic and consistency will go right out the window. The world will be turned on its head, never able to recover. All will be lost.
Rachael: *Monotone* Professor Poopypants...we don't have a lot of equipment available for us to use. *To Otto, who's rubbing her shoulder* Don't touch me. *Otto puts his hand down*
Krunch: She's right desu! Can we please borrow some of your stuff, Poopypants-san?
Poopypants: Heh! You delinquents already stole from me one time, and trust me when I say it will NEVER happen again!
TJ motions to Dr. Richardson, who walks up to Poopypants.
Richardson: Professor Poopypants, as a fellow scientist, I'm quite curious. What does any of this have to do with Eric and Yuuki? And please, give the explanation that would make you talk the longest.
He snaps his fingers, and everyone behind him, except for Donny and Angel, starts grabbing equipment. Donny just stands there, while Angel looks at herself in a hand mirror.
Poopypants: Well, that is one of the great mysteries, isn't it? I dare say the greatest and most important mystery that remains to be solved.
He finds an erase board with a mathematical equation ending with "CERTAIN DEATH!"
Poopypants: Nobody knows what joins these three seemingly separate things. But figure out how Eric, Yuuki, and the Plot Hole are connected, and you may very well save the human race. Fail... *Dramatic pause* and it will be your doom. So, are there any other questions I can help-
Poopypants turns around to see that everyone and everything is gone.
Poopypants: Oh, come on! This is why I need mad scientist insurance! They even took the novelty slot machine! Who does that?!
Cut to the All Star Smashers putting together their spaceship: tinkering with the gadgets, Tim straightening a plaque that reads: "USS EXIT STRATEGY To Boldly Smash Where No Man Has Smashed Before", Hilary puts a beer in a mini-fridge, Oscar and Ollie working on Harry's commander's chair, etc. TJ just nods approvingly. They then marvel at their finished product, The USS Exit Strategy, which is Harry's house with rocket thrusters jutting out.
Harry: Beautiful. Isn't it, Finn?
Finn: It makes me want to vomit.
Harry: Thanks for sharing. All right, let's get moving, people!
Billy: Wait, wait, wait. If we're going into space, I need a proper attire.
Billy takes off his headphones and puts on another set of headphones with large Vulcan ears attached.
Harry: You're such a geek!
Billy: I find that illogical, baka.
Harry: And that's why you're undateable. All right, let's get moving, people. *Sits in his command chair* By God, with a ship in my command and a crew to dispose of...
Tim: Don't you mean "at your disposal?"
Harry: Sure. Nothing can stop us!
Except for some approaching cars that we see in Harry's driveway.
Harry: Engineering, how we doing down there?
Cut to the engineering bay, where Richardson, Dan and Brodi are.
Richardson: The adaptive interface link is online, the impulse power is nominal, and the gravitronic positronic generator is about to reach its peak.
Brodi: He means that we can go in about 5 minutes.
Harry: All right.
Harry claps his hands and rubs them.
Harry: Let's get ready to launch!
Elouise: Um, Harry? There appears to be some very angry and scary men approaching from outside.
Harry: Jehovah's Witnesses?
Elouise: Angrier and scarier.
Harry sees Bag and his men on the scanner as it reads "Douches Detected!" They're right outside Harry's front door.
Harry: Crap, we're not ready to go yet. Edward, stall them!
Zoom in on Edward before cutting to Bag and his men.
Bag: Knock this down. Knock this all down.
Agent 2: We can't. We don't have a battering ram.
Bag: Use your foot.
Agent 2: In these shoes? These are Johnson and Murphy Venetians.
Bag: I don't give a shit if you're wearing Jimmy-Fucking-Choos!
Agent 2: You really should have called a SWAT team.
Bag: Check the back.
The other two leave as Bag continues knocking.
The All Star Smashers do some last minute checking as the agents approach the back door. Edward is there to greet them, dressed in a black suit like them.
Edward: I'm sorry, gentlemen. This area is off limits.
Agent 2: Says who?
Edward: Section 6.
Agent 1: Wait. We're Section 6.
Edward: Then you should know.
Agent 2: What district are you from?
Edward: District ... 9.
Agent 1: That's a movie.
Agent 1: That's Zimbabwe!
Agent 2: So you're an Asian teenager of diminutive height living in the African jungle?
Edward: You racist?
Agent 1: Sir, get out of the way.
Edward: Look, look, gentlemen. *Reaches into his suit pocket* All your questions will be answered if you look right here.
Edward points at what looks like a MIB neuralyzer and turns it on, but it's really a...
Agent 1: That's a vibrator.
Edward: *Punches both of them with it* No Daffy Duck!
Bag jumps in, pointing his gun at Edward.
Edward: Thaaaat's a gun.
Bag: We're here to shut you down, munchkin!
Edward: *Stung* I'm sorry. What did you just call me?
Bag: Oh, I'm sorry. You can't hear me all the way down there, can you, little fella?
Edward: *Removing his sunglasses* That's a height joke. I wouldn't go for the height jokes.
Bag: Oh, someone insecure about his height? Perhaps I should get you a booster seat and a Happy Meal.
Edward: *Getting angry* I really wouldn't be saying such things... if I were you.
Edward: Thank you.
Bag: Just maybe...
Edward: *Realizing Bag hasn't finished talking* Oh...
Bag: You should talk to the hand which I am holding up... because the head which is all the way up here can't hear you ... Shorty!
Edward gets progressively twitchy before cutting to Harry, who's bored.
Harry: The hell is taking him so long?
Edward enters with blood all over him and holding a decapitated hand. Everyone in the room looks shocked.
Edward: So, apparently, Yuuki is not on Earth. He's on a hidden base somewhere on Europa. I think, that's the last thing Bag's head said before I shoved it into a weed whacker. Anyhoo, we should be able to catch him if we leave now, so let's go.
He leaves. Harry is still speechless.
Brad: *To Harry* Looks like somebody called him short again. *Harry nods*
Billy: Eddaaay! Good one, man.
Edward high-fives him with Bag's hand. Here, we notice "Help Me" is written in blood on the back of Edward's shirt.
Billy: Dah! *Throws the hand away*
Harry: *Presses a button on the chair* Engineering, let's get going.
Richardson: *To Dan* Give me a 150 M's and prepare for warp boost.
Dan puts a Super Mario Mushroom into the engine; we hear the sound effect of Mario growing larger. We then see the ship's power display show 150 CCs of power.
Otto: MR. PRESIDENT, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?! DON'T YOU KNOW THIS WILL VIOLATE YOUR HOUSE ARREST?!
Harry: Why? I'm not leaving the house. Pete, take us out.
Pete: Alright, little Harry!
He holds up a Nintendo Wii steering wheel and begins to "steer".
The Strategy lifts up off the ground into the sky and blasts off to the tune of "Reach for the Stars" by Richard Harvey.
Harry: *Leans forward in his best James T. Kirk impression* Set a course for Europa.
The Strategy manages to get into space. We cut to Matthew's ship.
Dumb Dalek 1: Uh, sir. Harry Bradshaw is no longer in Earth's atmosphere.
Matthew: What? Impossible! Where is Bag? Put him on screen.
He and the two henchmen look up at the screen to see Bag... or what's left of him. Luckily, we don't. Everyone promptly groans.
Everyone: Oh! God!
Matthew: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Dumb Dalek 2: Oh, Jesus! No!
Dumb Dalek 1: Where on Earth was his nose?!
Matthew: Those critics are monsters! Everybody to your panels.
He turns around, addressing his henchmen, as we see his giant view screen behind him.
Matthew: Keep your eyes on every single one of Earth's radars. He is not going to escape me this time, you hear? Nothing gets past my cunning eye!
Except the Exit Strategy that flies right behind his back.
Matthew: You hear me? Not one blasted thing, Harry!
The Exit Strategy hits warp speed and leaves... THEN Matthew turns around and sees nothing. A long pause - he knows he's whipped.
Matthew: ...Right! What else could go wrong?
Dumb Dalek 1: Sir, the Executive would like to speak with you.
Cut to a very angry Executive and a nervous Matthew, who tries to stop his hand from trembling.
Executive: *Talking slowly* Bradshaw's...gone?
Matthew: *Tepidly* Mmm-hmm.
Executive: *Talking slowly* Bag...dead?
Matthew: *Quickly* Well, not uh- yeah.
Executive: You pissing yourself with fear?
Matthew: *Squeaking* Definitely!
Executive: You have failed me for the last time, Whitehead!
Matthew: Well, now if we're doing Empire, that's definitely my line.
Matthew: *Squeaking* Okay!
Executive: Thus, I am sending you a new master. One that will keep you on... schedule.
The Executive's hologram turns off.
Matthew: My Lord?
The pod bay door opens revealing... a General Zod lookalike, who enters in slow-motion. He sorta looks like Talking Joe if he were dressed as Zod. And no, it's not actually TJ.
Matthew: Pray, who the devil are you?
Zod Lookalike: *With the now-familiar hand gesture* NEEEEEEEIL!!!
Matthew: Oh dear, he's foreign. Hello, Neil! Nice to meet you. *Imitates Neil's hand motion*
To Be Continued.